90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
