How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is this the sara with the beer cane?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
