just come out here and I will go home with you...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
