you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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