Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
