I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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