You made me cry and you don't even care
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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