If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
