well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
