God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
