GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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