Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
