hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
