We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
