He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
