I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize