what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
