Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just had sex on a roof
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
