mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
