all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
