I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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