i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
