God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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