mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
