he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
