It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
