I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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