my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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