It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm passing your future prison.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
