Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
