That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
