Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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