SEEEEXXX PLEASE
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
