Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
