she was so not down for the gang bang
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
