i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
