Screwed.edu
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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