Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
