Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
