I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
