I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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