I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
