I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You dont lie about slip and slides
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Randomize
