i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
