is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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