Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
