dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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