I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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