I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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