Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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