I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
