Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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