Can Purell be used as lube?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
