some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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