I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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