How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Someone shit on the floor
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
