I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
