you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
