I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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