Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
