o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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