just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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