i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i've created a new STD.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
