she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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