i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
