she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
