Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
