I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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