I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
