My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
