It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
