I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
