FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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