Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
