u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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