I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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