I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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