I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
