I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize