You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
