I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
