woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize