I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
