My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
