I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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