After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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