Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
