also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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