I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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