The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
