we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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