Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
