What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
