I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
