Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize