He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
