He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
