The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
