Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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