Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
