So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
