I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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