Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
