He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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