if you like me you must not know who I am
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
