The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
