Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i believe in u and ur pee
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