Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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