I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
