About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
