i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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