I'm really into asian looking animals
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
