she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
