Need sex. Gaining weight.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize